Pages of my notes: A glance at the past month!

Haven't written for a while.. Its not that I have not been writing,  its just that  I haven't had the time to switch on the laptop and type it all down here. So here is a part of the mixture of  the past month-the laughs and cries, the journey and the after effects, as jotted down on my cellphone notes:

Scrambled Thoughts..

Loss.

You feel stagnant, while the world moves on
You feel alone, with the whole world around

Loss has no reason, loss has pain
loss has no pity, loss has tears
loss is inevitable yet, loss has guilt.

The swearing doesn't take the pain away
The anger does not serve the guilt
All search goes in wain,
As no reason justifies the thought.

loss of the valuable, loss of life
loss of words, loss of belief

One loss leads to another, don't know how this cycle breaks.
you try to forget you try to move on, but there comes that minute of the day
which brings the past flashing back again, there's no erasing it says.

Wonder why the mind presides over the loss, remembers every detail
While everyday gains just fade away

Loss forces you to give up, to get lost in that maze of life
To stay there and never take a step ahead
No matter how hard you try,
The end brings you back to that same point
The point of loss

Again that wave of losses, hits you like a storm
A storm of tears in which you submerge and float away.

You look for that boat, that li'l board which can bring you back to the shore
A hand to hold to help you take the step ahead just ray to show the way
but the loss of belief tells you it ain't coming and forces you to quit trying

Today, I don't know anymore,
I don't know what can pull you out
what can save the drowning, what can help you walk
what can hold your hand, what can support your thought.
And its not the unknown,
but the not knowing that drowns you then again.

Love Always

Signing off

just me

When..

When,
Theres a sense of lonliness in d crowd,
Theres hunger in d midst of food,
Theres a sense of stagnation while d world moves on,
Theres irritation in love,
when
Theres a feelin of loosing while evrthings in plac
Theres a feelin of unhappines in celebrations,
Theres a feelin of darkness in light,
Theres a feelin of tears rolling when i laugh!
when
theres a lie in evry truth,
theres a fall in evry rise,
Theres pain in evry smile
Theres death in evry life
thats when i knw
Though evrthngs in plac, bt sumthing sure aint right.

Love Always

Signing off

just me

Humanity!

From dreamland awakened,
Thrown down to reality,
Where in trival mattrs lost nd shaken,
Lives and dies this humanity.
Finding a purpose, a reason to survive,
Ever rising midst the agony yet dissatisfied,
Peace is dead stil he's alive,
After all those nights he cried.
To his young he gives shade,
To his old all the support,
Green and lucious he is made,
Stil keeps fighting for some fort.
Slaughtering, killing, creating and destroying,
All he justifies be honour or sin,
Yet at the end all that hes asking,
Is for that smile on face and some love within.
Memories stay n guilt arises, when d mystry caled death nears,
Young, old, good or worse all are caught by dis crises,
unpredictable so much it is dt by its wrath evry soul fears.
From dreamland awakened,
Thrown down to reality,
Where in trival mattrs lost nd shaken,
Lives and dies this humanity.

Love Always

Signing off

just me

Therapy

I just read, writing is therapeutic and I seriously need therapy. Exams in less then a week, pending internship, upcoming marriage, high time to find a direction for life and work on it, is all on my head yet the only thing I seem to be doing in lazing around and getting bored. One may think how can someone be so lazy when he has so much to do, but well yes, that's what I have been doing.

College restarted, equations of life changed, new people came, old people went, emotional journey continued and I haven't written since. There are some things that I have to do now. Now before it too late but I don't feel like doing them at all. I keep rechecking the decisions I have made rather then accepting them, loving them and living with them.

A life with no regrets, well that's a pretty hard thing to do when you know you are responsible  for your life. I haven't vent out the anger, frustration or even the joy for a long time or so i feel and it makes me feel I am going to explode soon with this pent up pile of emotions. that's whats making me fat maybe, penting up emotions! (got something to put the blame on, yay!) :P

Just realized making another person smile in times of stress is something that gives joy beyond words. I knew this but had never experienced it, just did so I can say its really reliving to hear that laughter rather than see that wipe that tear which was about to fall and only words have the power to do that. I know sometimes you just have to let those tears flow and thus u remain silent but that should not be always.

Yes i know I am blabbering crap, most of which is not understood without context but I told you I need therapy dint I? Feel better now. Need to make a plan of action and work on it. Writing is therapeutic after all! try it yourself! :) 

Love Always

Signing off

just me

let the rain...

Never thought I’d be standing here,

Afraid to look back, or to move forward,

Frozen here at this point where...

 Tears refuse to show, yet inside they continue to flow.

Where I don’t know what’s right or what’s wrong.

Where guilt and pleasures are long gone.

Where fear is a constant companion and hope begins to die,

Where faith is eroded and to life you can’t look in the eye

As the sun no longer shows his shinning ray,

All I can do is, let the rain wash it all away.

I guess I grew up, or maybe it’s the opposite,

Coz...

If it was beautiful then why am I ashamed?

If it was wrong then why did I not stop?

If it was real then why do I dream about it?

If it was false why do I still face the repurcations?

If it is what I asked for why am I not happy?

If it was just a phase why can’t I still live with it?

If it’s over then why do I think about it?

If it’s not then why am I upset about it?

Questions remained unanswered,

And life continues to complicate...

As the sun no longer shows his shinning ray,

All I can do is, let the rain wash it all away.

This is not how I thought it would be,

This is not how life was suppose to unfold,

I thought I was beyond it, I thought I was sane,

And now I look back to see I was the worst of all.

I choose this myself, I don’t know how,

You can’t amend what’s done so I live with it now.

Time they say heals it all, so wounds and bruises may go away,

But to remind me the lessons learned I know the scars are here to stay.

As the sun no longer shows his shinning ray,

All I can do is, let the rain wash it all away.

Love Always

Signing off

just me

Expressions Captured

It may be the twitch of your eye,

 Or the eyebrow you just raised high.

 The touching your ear and the cry,

 Or the fidgeting while you lie.

Your pupils widened in surprise for a while,

Or the flex in muscles while in rage.

The sparkled eyes in your genuine smile,

Or the grin you try to carefully wage.

It may be the roll of your eyes

Or the jaw-drop when you are tense.

It is what leaks all your lies,

Or what proves your innocence

It is what defines you

It is what sets you apart

It is your story told, without words, sentences or phrase

It is your every look, move or that gaze.

It’s not a mystery or some hidden quest,

It’s just how you express yourself.

mixed expressions eh?

what can I say, it's just me. :P

Love Always

Signing off

just me

P.s If any person in the photograph has a problem with my posting it plz let me knw. I do not intend to offend any friend.