Therapy

I just read, writing is therapeutic and I seriously need therapy. Exams in less then a week, pending internship, upcoming marriage, high time to find a direction for life and work on it, is all on my head yet the only thing I seem to be doing in lazing around and getting bored. One may think how can someone be so lazy when he has so much to do, but well yes, that's what I have been doing.

College restarted, equations of life changed, new people came, old people went, emotional journey continued and I haven't written since. There are some things that I have to do now. Now before it too late but I don't feel like doing them at all. I keep rechecking the decisions I have made rather then accepting them, loving them and living with them.

A life with no regrets, well that's a pretty hard thing to do when you know you are responsible  for your life. I haven't vent out the anger, frustration or even the joy for a long time or so i feel and it makes me feel I am going to explode soon with this pent up pile of emotions. that's whats making me fat maybe, penting up emotions! (got something to put the blame on, yay!) :P

Just realized making another person smile in times of stress is something that gives joy beyond words. I knew this but had never experienced it, just did so I can say its really reliving to hear that laughter rather than see that wipe that tear which was about to fall and only words have the power to do that. I know sometimes you just have to let those tears flow and thus u remain silent but that should not be always.

Yes i know I am blabbering crap, most of which is not understood without context but I told you I need therapy dint I? Feel better now. Need to make a plan of action and work on it. Writing is therapeutic after all! try it yourself! :) 

Love Always

Signing off

just me

let the rain...

Never thought I’d be standing here,

Afraid to look back, or to move forward,

Frozen here at this point where...

 Tears refuse to show, yet inside they continue to flow.

Where I don’t know what’s right or what’s wrong.

Where guilt and pleasures are long gone.

Where fear is a constant companion and hope begins to die,

Where faith is eroded and to life you can’t look in the eye

As the sun no longer shows his shinning ray,

All I can do is, let the rain wash it all away.

I guess I grew up, or maybe it’s the opposite,

Coz...

If it was beautiful then why am I ashamed?

If it was wrong then why did I not stop?

If it was real then why do I dream about it?

If it was false why do I still face the repurcations?

If it is what I asked for why am I not happy?

If it was just a phase why can’t I still live with it?

If it’s over then why do I think about it?

If it’s not then why am I upset about it?

Questions remained unanswered,

And life continues to complicate...

As the sun no longer shows his shinning ray,

All I can do is, let the rain wash it all away.

This is not how I thought it would be,

This is not how life was suppose to unfold,

I thought I was beyond it, I thought I was sane,

And now I look back to see I was the worst of all.

I choose this myself, I don’t know how,

You can’t amend what’s done so I live with it now.

Time they say heals it all, so wounds and bruises may go away,

But to remind me the lessons learned I know the scars are here to stay.

As the sun no longer shows his shinning ray,

All I can do is, let the rain wash it all away.

Love Always

Signing off

just me

Expressions Captured

It may be the twitch of your eye,

 Or the eyebrow you just raised high.

 The touching your ear and the cry,

 Or the fidgeting while you lie.

Your pupils widened in surprise for a while,

Or the flex in muscles while in rage.

The sparkled eyes in your genuine smile,

Or the grin you try to carefully wage.

It may be the roll of your eyes

Or the jaw-drop when you are tense.

It is what leaks all your lies,

Or what proves your innocence

It is what defines you

It is what sets you apart

It is your story told, without words, sentences or phrase

It is your every look, move or that gaze.

It’s not a mystery or some hidden quest,

It’s just how you express yourself.

mixed expressions eh?

what can I say, it's just me. :P

Love Always

Signing off

just me

P.s If any person in the photograph has a problem with my posting it plz let me knw. I do not intend to offend any friend.

Randomness...

Backspace has become my favorite key on the keyboard these days, I write a line and then press backspace and then keep doing it over and over writing different thoughts but nothing seems right. I don't know if you call that a writers bloc, but well I m not even a writer to have something like that, you can call it a confused mind, or may be just a blank mind. ya.. BLANK, that's a feeling I get a lot these days, I call it blank cause I don't know any other word that can explain it.

Recalling a few past events since my last blog, I realize how the bad memories pop up first, maybe its because they were more over powering in the last one month. I can think of that one day when every thing just seemed to happen at the same time, It was like I was getting my share of sadness of the past few years all together, maybe its true or maybe I felt so because I tend to forget the bad as soon as possible, at least if not forget I kind of avoid it in my memories. Its not that I am running away from it, I learn from bad experiences and keep the learning with me but the incident I prefer to forget and forgive. Don't know if that's good or bad but I just find it easier that way I guess.

So, coming back to the present, I have a lot I want to do in these few days of vacation, but guess coming back home and seeing my bed gives me this sad gift of laziness which is very hard to fight, I know I have so much I want to do but don't feel like getting out of the bed at all, may be its the winter and the comforts of the house, but I need to stop blaming and start working. Its high time for that.. So here's to getting out of bed, making an effort and working towards all that I want to in the coming days. 

I normally share such a post with you guys which I think would make an interesting read, well this one is not such, its just like a page of a diary, (If were writing one :P) or actually you can call it a sad attempt at a self affirmation I wished to make.

P.s. Direct writing is not as bad as I thought it would be. It was just a fear I had to overcome. 

Too much crazy random I guess,

well as I always say, it's just me :P

Love Always

Signing off

just me

The Beginings...

She picked up the old and rusted diary, which was never used, she took out her pen, enthusiastic and overwhelmed, she thought she would write down imaginations and secrets of life, and she opened to the first blank page... Hours passed by, she couldn’t write a word, staring at the beautiful blankness; there she fell asleep, good night she said, as she ended her long eventful day.

 .....blink......

Slowly she opened her eyes, there she was sitting in the dingy corner, she could not see anything, and she felt her eyes were still closed because of the pitch darkness. It was scary and lonely as the dark night never seemed to end, still somewhere deep down she found it comforting... After a few minutes of starring into the darkness she felt a tear trickle down her soft cheeks, and even this comforted her as she realized that she had felt something after a very long time... She could not see how her always glittering brown eyes had turned red, she did not realize that she was shivering in that corner; she couldn’t see how her face had turned red and how her long fingers had grown so pale. She knew she could not stand up as she could not feel her legs, she knew she could not wipe that tear as she still could not feel her hands...

All her life until that point she seemed to have forgotten, all her plans the future and past no longer mattered. She felt aimless, she felt weak, and She felt a hollow deep inside like she was dead or may be just reborn somehow...
Every minute seemed like years, every second the pain seemed to grow, she grew restless and yet was numb, she was awake and yet so asleep, she was alive and yet so dead.

....blink....

She closed her eyes and slowly opened it again, a bright ray of light appeared from somewhere in the left, she could see her jewelled white gown shinning and her red nail colour reflecting, her tears had dried and somehow and she could feel warmth on her face which was more like a pink blush rather than the reminiscence of a hot and depressed state...
Her head was not heavy her eyes were not red...
She was still numb yet was restless, she still looked asleep yet was somehow awake, dead she  was still appeared and yet was so alive.

....blink.....

She woke up, as her eyes slowly opening to the bright day, bewildered yet by what she had seen and felt, suddenly she opened the diary and wrote down two words only: "Just Dream "

.....blink...

Too Dreamy, eh?

can't help it, that's just me.





Love Always

Signing off

just me

An epistle to the unkown: few words of graditude.

Have written a little in the past few days.. but due to the unavailablity of my computer ( which got hanged :(  ) could not post any of it.. will do soon... however this one is impulsive. :P

Its weird,  I like to write but I hardly read... yet, from the very little amateur reading I do I learn...

It’s amazing... some perceptions, there are some people who in a simple paragraph noting down general observations speak of some life lessons even the gurus can’t give, I don’t know if they themselves know it, that their common observations of an airport, some day to day event or even a beautiful explanation of their day about playing a sport and many such tiny write ups, not only inspires others but also gives away some tremendous life lessons which most philosophical journals strive to give, which often makes me think what are these people doing trying to make careers in different fields, neglecting their gift.. But then again whatever it is that they’re doing is only what makes them conceive these masterpieces. They may not be literary masterpieces, or world renowned... but somewhere deep down they click for me... they inspire me... it may be because I know about these people or simply because of their writtings... that i dont know but this post I dedicate those few known and not known people bestowed with the gift of words.. Who have unknowingly made me smile, inspired me, motivated me, helped me, and somewhere maybe to a very little yet significant extent made me who I am. So Thank you... I know you may never read this... or never know how you have helped me... but still i Thank you for your gift and for sharing it with the world.

You teach me that by this little writing that I do... if I can in someway bring that smile or that little change you got to my life.. in somebody else's world, if I too can in someway contribute... I should not stop, I should also continue to share, so Thank you to making me continue writing... Thank you for everything. :)

Buhbye.. will write soon...

Till then as I normally say.. love, laugh, cry, be happy, sad or whatever u feel like... just dnt forget to live !!

Gracious eh?
well thats just me! :P :P

Love Always

Signing off

just me

the past month..

Havent written for long, I knw..
have been travellin.. nd the laptop is hanged so basicaly no connection...
At present, have hardly slept in the past around 30 hours...
amazing 30 hours if i forgot to mention.. :P

theres one part of me sayin go to sleep u fool ur eyes are closing.. where as the other.. is just plainly typing this without thinking much.. :P

had the most beautiful day.. the amazing feeling of welcoming the monsoon.. by the midnight bike ride in the drizzling chilly times and the hot maggie at 4am, cant get better than this!
admist all of this, some heavy realizations and and a different experience...

well, awl this was just about these no-break-past-30 hrs.. bt looking back at the long traveling month would have a synopsis like.. the inspiration, the focus, the dissapointment, the no revelations, the uhmazing place, the stupid ppl , the same old stories, the loss of contact, the new ppl, the new prespectivees, the different lives and lifestyles, the extremes, and much more which ended with being the seniors. :)

owk i hv written all this, in half sleep i guess.. will cum bck nd read nd edit till then good nite. :P

mad eh?
well thats just me! :P :P

Love Always

Signing off

just me